CRASH! BASH! SMASH!

If the track is tough, and the hill is rough, THINKING you can just ain't enough!
~Shel Silverstein

This is how it feels.  You want something so bad, you hope and pray that everything will turn out the way you have it in your mind, then CRASH! SMASH! BASH!  And on to the rocks you go.  Mr. Silverstein said it here, in this little poem...

The Little Blue Engine
Shel Silverstein

The little blue engine looked up at the hill.
His light was weak, his whistle was shrill.
He was tired and small, and the hill was tall,
And his face blushed red as he softly said,
“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

So he started up with a chug and a strain,
And he puffed and pulled with might and main.
And slowly he climbed, a foot at a time, …

… He would not stop — now he neared the top —
And strong and proud he cried out loud,
“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!”

He was almost there, when — CRASH! SMASH! BASH!
He slid down and mashed into engine hash
On the rocks below… which goes to show
If the track is tough and the hill is rough,
THINKING you can just ain’t enough!

Well.. that is what I said it feels like.  However, I cannot say that this is how it is.

So, in the last post, I noted Tiffany was having some pain.  And this pain lasted into Wednesday morning while we got up and headed out to the doctors appointment.  Of course, the doctors aware of the pain the previous few days and the fevers she has had, quickly ordered a series of tests to confirm 1 - if it was bacterial, 2 - if it was cancer related, or 3 - possibly something else.  The consensus among the doctors supposed that it was cancer, and only time and tests would confirm.

After being admitted into the hospital, she was eventually taken to get a CT scan and then a 3 hour MRI, finishing up at about 11:30 pm last night (Yikes, not only was this late, but talk about an uncomfortable position and she said she was also extremely hot - poor girl).  This morning, they had confirmed that they found another tumor in her spine, at T7 (for those that know where that is - basically the middle of your spine).  And here, you would see the CRASH! SMASH! BASH! and onto the rocks we go... at least as far as our hope goes.  We were hoping beyond hope, and praying that they would end up finding nothing and come to a conclusion that it was simply the cancer causing pain and all we needed to do was to continue the treatment we were already then following.  Because at this point, emotionally and physically, the process can drain even the most positive of people.

But you see... after having talked to Tiffany, she corrected me.  There is no CRASH! SMASH! or BASHING going on.  Maybe against our hope, but not against our Father in Heavens plan.  She reminded me, as she often does, is that He is in charge.  He knows what is going on.  He hears the prayers of not just us, but the hundreds (and maybe thousands) of others who are praying for her.  Having received multiple blessings and many fasts done on her behalf - we KNOW He is aware of her and her situation.  She reminded me of that this morning.  And up the hill we go.

So sometimes, THINKING you can is truly not enough.  You are only part of the equation.  The more powerful part of the equation is the Lord and his plan for you.

And with that, chugging along in an otherwise beautiful landscape, she continues her joyous journey of life.

Cheers,

Nathan